


There Is Still Room To Breathe Here

by Velocity_Owl87



Series: Alpha Loki/Omega Thor [3]
Category: Marvel (Movies), Norse Mythology - Fandom, Thor (2011)
Genre: Alpha Males, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Kidfic, M/M, Mpreg, Multi, Role Reversal, Unrequited Love, warrior culture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-30
Updated: 2012-04-30
Packaged: 2017-11-04 14:38:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/394966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velocity_Owl87/pseuds/Velocity_Owl87
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor was always afraid of being ignored and silenced like all the Omegas in Court and was determined to be an Alpha and be heard. Unfortunately for him, he's an Omega and bonded to Loki, his Alpha brother after his first heat. But Loki manages to surprise him and Thor finds that he still has enough agency to make his life be close to what he hoped for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There Is Still Room To Breathe Here

**Author's Note:**

> This is Thor's POV of the events in "Quiet Surprises" and "It's Not What We Expected, But It's Ours", since the other two stories were told about him, but not by him. I was curious to see how he would have approached the reversal of fortune and how he would deal with it all.

One

He remembers, when he was young, the feeling of being ignored. 

He must have been a very young child, small enough to hide behind his mother's skirts and cling to them for safety as he watched the world from his harbour. 

He began to notice how there were certain Aesir that got noticed and never got ignored. The ones that always caught the attention of others and were watched, no matter what they did.

Then there were the others, who tended to be as noticeable as furniture. Who tended to be ignored, like he was when people were talking to his mother and father. 

He saw them, sometimes. But only sometimes. He'd look at them long enough to notice their neutral expressions and carefully masked uneasiness. Especially when the other Aesir came around. 

Even though he was a child, he understood that these were the kind of Aesir that no one truly wanted to be, lest of all himself. 

Seeing this tableau played out over and over again made Thor vow that when he became a man, he would never be like them. Instead, he would always be noticed and never ignored. He would make sure of it. 

Two

It wasn't that easy, he later found out when his parents spoke to him about the differences between Alphas and Omegas and how they were simply born, not made. And that it would be only when he was fully grown that he'd be able to find out which one he'd be.

He had been very withdrawn and quiet then. So much so that even Loki, in all his tart-tongued worry, had sought him out and tried to get him to say what was wrong. 

But he couldn't shape the words to explain what was wrong and thus, remained silent. 

Thor remained silent the rest of his adolescence in regards to this topic and his worry deepened as he watched his friends, and then Loki, grow into Alphas and be bonded off one by one. 

"Don't worry, it will be your turn soon enough." Fandral had reassured him the night of Loki and Sygin's wedding feast.

"And I'm sure Sif will wait for you till then. She's not in a hurry to go with anyone that isn't you." 

Fandral assured him quietly, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he gestured to Sif, who was sitting further down the table and listening to Volstagg tell some outrageous story.

Thor had flushed red and busied himself with drinking. He hadn't thought of Sif specifically, but after that night, he didn't find himself adverse to the idea that once he became an Alpha, he'd bond with Sif. 

It made sense. Just like his two Alpha parents being together made sense. 

He just hoped that it wasn't going to be much longer that he'd have to wait for it to happen.

Three

Loki looked at him like he wanted to say something, but every time that he attempted to speak, he would simply press his lips closed and look away. 

Instead of talking, he simply helped Thor get clean and took him back to his chambers, where Thor sank down onto his bed and sat staring blankly into space until Loki quietly took his leave.

Thor was glad that Loki hadn't tried to say anything in regards to the situation. There was nothing his brother could say that wouldn't have been a lie. 

He pulled his knees close to his chest and rested his head onto his knees, feeling abjectly miserable, despite no longer being lost to the physical and mental trauma of going through his heat. 

He wasn't going to give into tears. He never had been the type, but at that moment, he wished that he could have some kind of release for the aching pain deep in his chest. So he was finally a man grown. But he wasn't the Alpha that he and everyone else had expected him to grow into. 

He shifted on the bed and winced, all too aware of the aches that accompanied the dying down of the heat. Loki had explained that it was bound to happen when he was cleaning them up. It wasn't just a heat cycle and scents and moods. It was also the very fabric of him that would be altered, since the Omegas where the ones that brought forth new Alphas.

"At least there won't be any children from me." Loki had said to him. It was a shoddy attempt to comfort Thor, but he appreciated it nonetheless. Loki was full of tricks and sharp angles and cutting words. But when he did choose to be kind, it was well meant, despite being awkward and still slightly brusque.

Thor had numbly nodded then, but now, he winced.

All the same, he was glad that even if he had to be an Omega, he was bonded to the one person he loved, trusted, and was sure to never ignore him. Nor force breedings on him.

Four

After that, he tried to stay away from Loki, even though he knew that it would look suspicious to everyone else. He was feeling sore and bruised and raw and he needed time to get his strength back from the heat. He also didn't know how he was supposed to approach his brother and biological mate after having been mindlessly intimate with him. He barely remembered any of the heat. Only that Loki had got him through it by claiming him over and over again, bonding them until they had both been exhausted.

But the idea of sharing such a deep bond with his brother made him unsure how as to how to approach Loki. How to act around him. Especially now that every time Thor was near Loki, all he wanted to do was wrap himself in Loki's scent and submit to him like a blushing maiden.

That was something he couldn't have in front of Loki, the court and his parents. 

It was a mixture of all these things that made him determined to put the breeding episode behind him and not think about it until he was forced to. He knew, from the hidden reading he did after his last heat, he would have a minimum of four heats in a year. Less if he was breeding. 

He had snorted and let the book drop to the table after he had read that part. It looked like he was going to go through hell four times a year and hope that Loki would be willing to mate through it lest both of them go mad in the bargain. 

That was also another novelty that being an omega brought with it: Being bonded with the first Alpha that they mated and bred with for the rest of their lives. There was no one else he could ever ease the heat with and he had to admit that there was no one else that he'd rather be with. At least he knew that Loki wouldn't try and humiliate him while they were lost in each other's bodies. 

Once he had come to that grudging conclusion, he had buried himself into his training, forcing himself into exhaustion so that he'd fall into a dreamless sleep at the end of every night. If anyone noticed anything was amiss, they didn't say anything . The All Father and mother simply chalked it up to him finally getting serious about something in his life and preparing for his role as the Ruler of Asgard when the time came.

But Loki knew differently. It was obvious by the way that he quietly watched Thor at the feasts. It wasn't with malice or possession or calculation. Thor knew it wasn't malevolent, but it was making him nervous.

So he took to avoiding the feast halls as well and taking his meals in his chambers.

It was with perfect timing that he chose to do that, since he found that he was sick all the time and unable to keep any  but the blandest food down. He found himself unable to train and was usually curled up in his bed in abject misery until the afternoon.

One afternoon, after emptying out the meagre contents of his stomach and crawling back to bed, he awoke to find Loki and their Lady Mother hovering over him, their faces etched with concern as they looked down at him.

Frigga smiled at him, a watery smile, while Loki's face was blank when he looked down 

He didn't have to say the words. The blankness in Loki's face was enough to tell Thor that something hadn't gone according to plan. 

Five

They try to keep them apart at first and Thor has no say in it. The AllFather is furious and his mother simply has his health as her top priority. He was too ill to say anything at that point. 

It's not until later, when he feels the soft roundness of his lower abdomen and the illness that simply won't leave along with the raw yearning that he felt for Loki that he voiced his desires. 

And he had to admit that he was surprised his mother listened to him.

Loki was there until the bitter end.

If he was happy about having a child, he didn't voice it in front of Thor or anyone that could relay the information. 

But he showed his concern for both of them when Thor went into a labour no one had expected.

He wasn't supposed to give birth so soon. No one had prepared him for the pain and sheer horror of being torn apart from the inside out. Nothing in battle compared to what he was going through. He had wanted Loki there, to talk him through it, but Loki had been pushed out and Thor only had the memory of his brother's ashen face to get him through what felt like an interminable agony until Modi was finally out along with a fresh wash of blood and effluvia.

When it was all over and the blood had been stanched and he had been sewed up and his son cleaned up, he still was sunk in disbelief over it all. 

Despite the changes in his body and the feeling of his son inside of him...he couldn't fully accept that he had carried and brought forth Modi. He couldn't accept that this mewling infant is the last seal of his fate. He couldn't pretend anymore. He can't keep it a secret any longer. Everyone in Asgard and the nine realms knew that he was an Omega that had just borne Loki's son and the undisputed heir to the throne of Asgard. 

At the most, he'd be a Consort. The power that shared the throne, perhaps. But not the ruler of Asgard. 

Ignored and silenced, just like he had always feared.

Yet, he didn't have in him to hate his child, for taking it all away.

Modi took his breath away. He knew that it was an oft repeated sentiment, but that was how he felt when he looked down at his son's face and saw his green eyes and the soft down of blond on his skull. When he touched the soft, small body and when he fed him. Modi was perfection. There was no way that he could hate his own child. 

Besides, he could still be a warrior. Once he was done weaning Modi he would be back on the training field and become the warrior that he was meant to be. 

He wasn't going to give that up without a fight.

Six

It took him months to come back to the training grounds. He worked hard to get himself in fighting shape, training with Sif and the Warriors Three until they deemed him capable of handling himself in the training grounds. But once he was back, he realized it wasn't his place any longer. The other Aesir in the yard were staring at him in thinly veiled disgust and hostility and it rankled. He had known these men since childhood, but they were acting as if he was a stranger trespassing in territory that he shouldn't be in.

He heard some muttered curses and a few dared to spit on the ground as he walked past to get a practice sword and shield. 

He ignored them, despite wanting desperately to lash out at them. He would have, but knew that they were just baiting him until he lost his head and gave them ammunition to attack. He was determined to stay in the training grounds though, so he ignored them and promised himself he would show them during training.

Again, things had turned out different than he had expected.

He had held his own in the first two bouts, but just barely. It was only the speedy and acrobatic moves that Sif and Fandral had drilled him heavily on that saved him. He hadn't the power behind his blows any longer and it showed. 

Gudrun was the one to take advantage of that and both shatter his arm and shoulder as well as his dreams of being a warrior.

If he had been an Alpha, he would have been able to take the blow that Gudrun aimed at him. 

He was an Omega though, and the blow was enough.

He knew it when the arms-master and healer surrounded him and when he woke up in his own bed with Loki sitting next to him, looking far from perfect and with eyes full of sympathy for Thor's situation.

When he apologized, it made it easier to let go. 

Just barely, but it was possible to do so.

It still didn't stop him from having storms pour down on Asgard though.

Seven

"You could be free of him, if you'd just ask him. He'd have to grant you a boon now that he's king."

Sif urged him quietly as they stood hidden in the alcove she had pulled him into after he had taken leave of Loki and the court. He was pregnant again and he knew that he didn't have the stamina to stay at the feast. Especially not when he was still weaning Vali. All he wanted was to sleep and regroup. 

Loki was the King now and he was the Consort, but not in the way that he had thought he would be. He had to admit that many of his older fears were unfounded with Loki. 

But he still wasn't ready and he was beginning to think that his entire life was going to be made up of instances of unreadiness that he would have to learn to cope with afterward.

Like Sif. 

"Do you really want to be his consort? His brood mare for the rest of your life?"

He had blinked at her and opened and closed his mouth several times, but he couldn't come up with an answer. 

The thing was, Loki wasn't expecting for him to produce children. Nor was he expecting Thor to slink quietly in the shadows behind him. In fact, he made sure that Thor was accorded the respect as was his due. And everyone else's opinions be damned in the process. 

It was as if he had known of Thor's fear of being ignored. Of being voiceless and was doing everything in his power to dissipate those fears. Whether it was a conscious decision or not, Thor appreciated the gesture for what they were worth. No other Alpha would have gone through the extra effort to make his consort his equal. 

Not even Sif would have done it.

Who was asking him to bargain for a freedom that he wasn't even passionate about or really was sure that he wanted. 

For an uncertain freedom where he would probably lose what little voice he had and remain silent for the rest of his days, reduced to all the sums of his fears.

That was the crux of the matter. He had no answer for her.

That was why he walked away from Sif.

And towards Loki.

END.


End file.
